Tips for Straight Men in Gay Bars


Gay bars have become quite popular over the years and as a result, more and more straight men and women have been flocking to gay bars to get a piece of the action. While we accept people of all sexualities, there are a few unspoken rules that we would prefer to be followed while at gay bars. This article is specifically for straight men and tips for not only enjoying your time at a gay bar, but also for being respectful to the gay community while you are there.

shirtless male bartender pouring a drink
Gay bars are often a completely different beast for straight men to navigate successfully.

Stop Thinking We All Want to Get With You

Trust me when I say that as a straight man, most guys in a gay bar can see your intentions clear as day. We know you want nothing to do with hooking up with another man and they will respect that. So there’s no need to cling to your girlfriend or try to make it as obvious as possible that you are straight and not interested in hooking up. All it makes you do is look homophobic. Think about how women react when in a room with a bunch of men. They are polite and just talking as people and nothing more. And they are not assuming that every single man in the room wants to get with them. So you should be able to behave the same way in a gay bar.

Admittedly though, there will be guys who do want to get to know you a bit more intimately than you would like, which leads me to my next point…

IF someone is flirting with you, just embrace it

Even though we can tell you are straight, some gay guys will still try talking to you and flirting with you. It is very similar to how straight men like trying to get girls to convert to lesbians. In their eyes, it’s just entertaining and fun to think about. If a gay guy is hitting on you, just be polite and respectful. Have meaningful conversation like you would with any other person.

At the very least, think of it this way: this guy you’ve never met before is buying you a bunch of free drinks and giving you attention, both of which are things you can be appreciative of. It doesn’t make sense to be rude when a girl is flirting with you, despite you having no interest in her. Why is that any different if it is coming from a gay guy?

close-up of drinks being poured at a bar
Getting free drinks from another man is always a good reason to embrace flirtatious behavior, regardless of whether you reciprocate their feelings.

If he does try to pressure you or tries to make a move, just walk away and make it clear to the rest of the bar that you aren’t interested. They’ll back you up, I promise. Odds are that this guy just had too much to drink so try not to hold it against him. And trust me when I say that getting into a physical confrontation with the guy will not go over well for you. You’ll just look like a huge homophobic jerk.

Don’t Cock Block Your Gay Friends

Even if you come to a gay bar with a gay friend, it doesn’t mean you have to leave with him. In fact, he most likely wants to get laid himself. So if you see him hitting it off with someone else, don’t cling to him throughout the rest of the night. Make some new friends, or just see yourself out and let him enjoy the rest of the night. You can always hang out with him on another night, but he may not get the chance with this guy ever again. Before you go out you should be willing and prepared to duke it out on your own halfway through the night if your friend gets lucky.

In other words, be a great wingman. Not a cock block.

A terrific way to avoid the situation where you are stuck alone at the gay bar because your one friend you came with is hooking up, is to simply come with a bunch of gay friends. If any one of them meet someone special there, they can simply detach from the rest of the party while you still have a bunch of other great guys to hang out with. In fact, being the only straight man in a group of gay guys can make you the feel special, being the only one in the party that is completely unobtainable, at least to all of the other men in the bar!

group of men smiling in a bar
Going to a gay bar as a group helps to eliminate the possibility of ever becoming a third wheel.

Don’t Treat the Gay Bar as a Spectacle

We get it – you rarely go to a gay bar and thing seeing the rainbow flags and endless thralls of guys to be insane. But keep that to yourself and don’t share it with us. We just see a typical bar, and having someone tell us how crazy the place is will not sit well with us. Just treat like a regular old bar you go to normally. Because it is. Just with a bunch more guys.

Please also try to refrain from calling the bar a “gay bar”. The fact that the place is a gay bar is already implied, and should be painfully obvious by the name of the bar itself. Adding extra attention to that fact contributes to you treating the gay bar as a “spectacle”.

Enjoy The Fantastic Gay Bar Scene!

Regardless of if you are gay or straight, gay bars are a great inviting experience that everyone should try at least once. If you are straight and want to take part in such an atmosphere, please just be respectful and aware of the proper behavior while there. Don’t be paranoid that we all are trying to get in your pants, and if some of us are (foolishly) trying to do so, just take it all in stride and remain respectful at all times. Also avoid cock blocking your gay friends when they are trying to get laid, either by being willing to go about the rest of your night on your own, or by coming to the gay bar in a group to begin with. And lastly, treat the gay bar like any regular old bar, without making it seem like a huge spectacle. Following all of these tips will ensure that not only yourself, but everyone around you as well can enjoy their time!